16-year-old girl refuses father’s unfair babysitting demands as he insists she cancels plans to stay with her step-siblings, forcing him and stepmother to cancel theirs: ‘ I never signed up to be their babysitter’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 14, 2025 8:00 AM EST

There's a strange unwritten rule in some families that being the eldest child comes with a side hustle you never signed up for: unpaid babysitter. Somehow, the title of "oldest" magically endows you with patience, responsibility, and an endless willingness to put your life on hold for the sake of "helping out."

Parents frame it as a noble badge of honor, using phrases like "family helps family" or "you should step up" to guilt you into compliance. But let's be real—past a certain point, it's less about "helping" and more about being taken advantage of. While lending a hand here and there is a normal part of family life, there's a fine line between occasional favors and being treated like the household nanny.  

One 16-year-old recently found herself at this breaking point. After being repeatedly roped into watching her young step-siblings, her parents demanded she cancel plans to babysit them on the night of her best friend's birthday party. And her refusal didn't go well with her father and stepmother.

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  • "AITA for refusing to babysit my step-siblings after my dad said I should “step up as the oldest”?"

    H "He had to call off their dinner because they couldn't find a last- minute babysitter"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Okay, so I (16F) live with my dad (45M) and my stepmom (39F). They got married two years ago, and she has two kids (5M & 3F). I have never really had an issue with them, but I never signed up to be their babysitter.
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  • So recently my dad and stepmom have been asking me to watch the kids more and more. At first it was just "Can you keep an eye on them while we run to the store?" but now it's turning into full evenings even on weekends when
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  • I have plans. I've told them multiple times that I don't want to be a built-in babysitter, but they always guilt me with, "You're the oldest, you should help out" or "Family helps family."
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  • The breaking point was last Friday. I had plans to go to my best friend's birthday party. I told my dad about it a week in advance, and he said it was fine.
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  • Then, the night before, he told me that I had to cancel because they were going to dinner and needed me to watch the kids. I said no and reminded him I already had
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • plans. He got annoyed and said I was being selfish. I told him that if they needed a babysitter, they should hire one because I'm not free childcare.
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  • He got really mad and said that I was being disrespectful and that "as the oldest, I need to step up." I still refused, and in the end, he had to call off their dinner
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  • because they couldn't find a last- minute babysitter. Now both he and my stepmom are mad at me, and my dad is giving me the silent treatment.
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  • I feel kind of bad because I know parenting is stressful, but at the same time, I never agreed to be responsible for my step-siblings and I want to be able to live my life. So.. AITA?
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  • It’s a classic tale of clashing expectations. While parenting is undeniably tough, should the oldest child be expected to sacrifice their own life to fill in the gaps?

    Boundaries and respect are just as important as “helping out.” And this case shows, that sometimes the kid is the one that has to put their foot down and draw red lines.

  • curlyshmurly NTA although I have no advice, they dont sound reasonable. as one parentified child to another i wish you the best life and hope you find your own freedom soon
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  • BasicRabbit4 Nta. Expecting you to miss your best friend's bday so they can go out to dinner is selfish. Stay the course op, if you don't put your foot down these kids will be pawned off on you at the expense of your own life.
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  • Con4America NTA. Enjoy the silent treatment because it won't last. If they start to speak to you, say, "I thought we weren't speaking, I prefer that." They are acting like they are 12. Go on about your life. You are not their slave.
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  • parodytx Charge them for babysitting. EACH. AND. EVERY. TIME. The going rate, and in advance, in case they try to pull the "family" cr_p again in order to weasel out.
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  • Remind them if they try to leave them in your care without your consent, that you will be calling the police and then CPS with a complaint of child abandonment.
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  • Yes it's nuclear, but that's what is necessary for some of these entitled step0-turds to get it.
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  • Designer_Ice_7368 NTA. You are sixteen. Hire a babysitter, Dad.
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  • Severe-Ad-132 NTA. My parents parentified me, and I'm STILL bitter about it. DO NOT allow them to turn you into their babysitter. Those kids are not your responsibility and you are a CHILD yourself. No. Those are your stepmother's kids and her responsibility. Her and your father should not be trying to guilt you into babysitting. They are wrong.
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  • Hidden Vixen21 NTA. Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about your dad? Your mom or an aunt or uncle?
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  • saedgin ΝΤΑ I am 46 and have raised two kids. You are not a built in third parent and that is how they are treating you. You should be allowed to act like a normal teenager who gets to hang out with their friends unless you have done something that warrants being grounded.
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  • There is nothing wrong with them asking for you to babysit occasionally but wow to know you have a birthday party to go to and expect you to cancel at the last minute for a non emergency is wrong.
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  • SheCantbelieveit Oldest here. That's BS and you need to charge going forward. You don't need to step up. His cheap bt needs to open his wallet.
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  • Tinkerpro dad, i understand that you want to go out with wife, but telling me to "step up” is disrespectful to me. It is not selfish of me to not cancel my plans that you knew about a week ago, when i asked you.
    via Tinkerpro

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